He called sobbing. "I am afraid to tell you this, it will change our life forever." I paused and waited, having figured out the outcome from those few words and dread washed over me. My worst nightmare had happened; the soul mate I had waited for all these 50 years had stage 4 colon cancer. I was stunned but put on my brave face, the one that I had been using for years to address the many losses in my life. I knew my part and played it well; the strong and comforting nurturer.
"Okay," I said calmly with logic and a rational tone, "Medicine has changed so much since my parents died. I feel sure that there are treatments. What did the doctor say?” But the sting of the words "stage four" hung in my mind and I felt my stomach drop to the floor. This couldn't be happening, I finally found someone who made me feel vibrant and alive, my life partner. We had been setting exciting timelines for a long awaited move, the big "living together thing."
"Yeah, you are right. We can beat this damn thing." he said trying to regain his composure. I am, by nature, usually the positive, "glass is half full" type of person, but the "we" in that statement wasn't possible. Cancer is a one person journey. You can have a strong and loving support team, but the disease can only be truly fought by the person who has it. I knew this, he did not. I had been in the role of support staff before and understood all too clearly what was to come. Part of me was so relieaved he did not have an inkling of what has in front of him. The other part of me wished I did not. He died 5 months after this call, having undergone two chemo treatments, and numerous hospital stays for cancer related issues. My darling man had turned 57 the month before he left and I am left here alone, again.
No comments:
Post a Comment